Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
