i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
