letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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