is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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