some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
