From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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