I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
