Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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