When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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