I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
