he puts the penis in happiness.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Let's get the cat blown out
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
