The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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