I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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