ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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