Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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