Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
