I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
