He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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