That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If its not for food we ain't going out.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
