You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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