she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
