I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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