He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
