The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
