Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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