Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
