Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
