Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
