I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
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