I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
