Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
