I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
