You made me cry and you don't even care
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
