I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Randomize
