And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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