i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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