So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
