i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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