Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
