It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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