Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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