I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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