I showed him my bush... on skype.
Quick, to the slutcave!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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