it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
wow bdsm is so cute
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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