I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Randomize
