So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
