Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
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