I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
