george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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