You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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