yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
