So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
