Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
