no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
