I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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